Don't Panic
by fangirl1981
Summary: Movie version of HHGG crossed over with MST3K.


**Title:** Don't Panic

**Fandom:** Mystery Science Theater 3000/Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy crossover

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** The Satellite of Love gets a visit from some very strange strangers.

**Spoilers/Warnings:** None

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters. Don't sue me, I'm broke.

**Author's Notes:** This is based on the **movie** version of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Also I'm placing this somewhere during the Sci-Fi era of MST3K since there would be no Deep 13 if Earth was destroyed.

Thanks once again to my beta jackiesjunkie for making this readable.

* * *

Mike Nelson was used to strange things happening. Once you've been knocked out by a mad scientist and then shot up into space to live with robots while being continually subjected to horrible movies you kind of expect strange things to happen. He was used to strange people appearing on the ship as well so when he walked onto the bridge and saw a badly dressed blond man and a really big white robot his reaction was quite subdued.

"Hi," was what Mike said.

"Hey there," was the response of the blond man. He also mimed shooting Mike with his fingers. Thankfully, Mike had seen people do this before in his previous life on Earth and realized this was not a threatening gesture but one of frat-boy like camaraderie.

"Who are you?" Mike asked.

"Zaphod Beeblebrox: President of the Galaxy."

"Oh, I'm Mike.

"Where you from Mike?"

"Wisconsin."

"I never heard of that planet."

"Oh no, Wisconsin is on Earth. I'm from Earth."

"Earthman, huh? That's okay, some of my best friends are from Earth." Zaphod then burst into laughter as he apparently considered that to be a hilarious joke.

Mike just smiled at him warily.

"But looks like you got out in time too. That must be why your ship is so shabby, had to make it in a hurry, didn't ya?"

"I didn't make..." Mike stopped speaking suddenly, realizing what Zaphod had said. "What do you mean I got out in time?"

"You don't know?"

The blank look on Mike's face was his answer.

"Hate to tell you this buddy but Earth is gone. Blown up. Apparently that was my fault. Sorry about that but hey, we all make mistakes, right?"

Mike started to open his mouth but Zaphod cut him off. "Knew you'd understand."

He then slapped Mike on the back.

"Anyway, I've been tooling around the galaxy in my own ship. Well, not actually my ship, I stole it. I saw your little ship here and I thought well hell, I got some time to kill might as well make a visit to this strange vessel and give you a little thrill. Now you can tell all of your friends that you met the president of the galaxy."

Just then Crow and Tom Servo showed up. They too seemed less than surprised to find the president of the galaxy and a robot there.

"I see you gotcha some little robots too. I gotta robot." Zaphod pointed behind him at the robot who so far hadn't said a word. "That's Marvin."

Mike just blinked stupidly for a moment before realizing he was finally being given a chance to talk again. "Oh, that's Crow," he said, pointing at the small yellow robot, then he pointed at the little gumball-headed robot "And that's Tom Servo."

"I'm utterly delighted to meet you," Marvin responded in a dull voice that sounded like he was anything but delighted.

Tom Servo, who felt really very small compared to Marvin, blurted out the first thing that came into his head. "Wow, you're really big!"

"I suppose," Marvin answered with a heavy sigh.

"Is something wrong?" Crow asked.

"Everything is wrong. Existence is pointless. Don't know why any of us even bother."

"Man, you are so right," Tom said with awe in his voice. "I can't believe I never realized it before."

"Tom!" Mike exclaimed. "That's not true, our lives aren't pointless."

"Mike, he's right," Crow said. "What do we do that's so important? If we suddenly steered this ship straight into the sun killing all of us would it really make a difference in the world?"

Mike started to protest but stopped to think. Then he looked really dejected. Finally he shook his head and yelled at Zaphod, "Would you make your robot stop depressing my robots?"

Tom and Crow were now huddling together sniffling.

"Hey man, don't listen to Marvin."

"No one ever does," Marvin said mournfully.

Zaphod continued, "He's just a little down right now. I'm sure your lives are really important. Not as important as mine but then who could hope to be as important as the president of the galaxy?"

He smiled around at all of them but Tom and Crow continued to look depressed and Mike felt like he just wanted to lie down and forget any of this happened.

Not liking the lack of appreciation he was getting from his current audience, Zaphod decided it was time to go.

"Well, we gotta get going, lots of important things to do. It was real great meeting you guys. Don't ever change, okay?"

With one last grin and shot from his finger guns, Zaphod walked away with Marvin trailing behind.

"So that was the president of the galaxy?" Crow asked.

"Apparently," Mike answered.

"Huh," Crow replied.

Then they just stood around looking disquieted until the commercial sign.

"We'll be right back," Mike said distractedly.


End file.
